I love my opinion. I think it is tasteful, informed, and oh so accurate. I also unabashedly love Taylor Swift. Do I think she did some shady shit with Kimye? Yes. But I myself have done some shady shit, and she totally took it and used it to her advantage (insert snake emoji here). Also, it is the season of giving thanks, and it is my moral duty to give thanks for this album.
Goodbye, old Taylor! Hello, spicy new Taylor. I am here for it. I wish I was worth $280 million so I could reinvent myself.
I took a class on pop music my sophomore year of college, and an important aspect of writing the papers was that we were not to say, “I like this,” or “I like that.” However, this is my website and I pay for the domain name, so I’m going to be doing that.
Why have I waited this long you ask? Well, art takes time to take in, process, and understand.
…Ready For It?
Umm I am ready for it, Taylor! We all are ready for it. We’ve been waiting three years, you crazy bitch. But we sincerely missed you, thank you for returning to us. This song is catchy as heck. The last repetition of the chorus is her true come back, and I sing that shit with all the passion I have in my tar-filled heart. All glory to Tay.
- I forget their names now, I’m so very tame now. LOL R U THO BC U SEEM BONKERS AND I LOVE IT.
- In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do, baby. Does Taylor fuck?
If I’m being honest, I wasn’t overly enthused with this song at first. But this is why it takes time to process art, because as time crawled on, the song grew on me. Not huge on the Future addition, but I suppose she’s trying to maintain consistent branding. Also Ed Sheeran has personally offended me on many occasions, but he does have a nice voice (I hate admitting that). The moody chorus is grand, however, I don’t like when she’s trying to sound like Nicki Minaj and says she has a “big reputation.” We know you do, silly.
- I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put ‘em. This is CLEVER with a C and PETTY with a P.
I Did Something Bad
The beginning of this song is SO adrenaline-inducing. I was like SHIT, IT’S COMING, GUYS. Taylor loves being bad now, so leave her alone. The best part is when she mentions “receipts,” an obvious call-out to Kim K. All in all, it is catchy as heck, and I enjoy singing along to the chorus very loudly and pretending that I am also bad, even though I just apologized to my mom because she dropped an egg on the floor.
- And if he spends my change, then he had it comin’. He doesn’t even have his own money, he’s spending her petty change. Breadwinning Bitch.
- If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing. YOU OWE HIM NOTHING ANYWAYS, SWEETIE.
Don’t Blame Me
GIRLLLLLLLLLLLL. New Taylor gets me, guys. This is my jam. My true love in the version of a jam. I will say that I would take this song completely differently if I was single, like “Oh is he ur drug, Taylor,” but instead I’m very, “YAS HE IS UR DRUG, GIRL, I AM PICKING UP WHAT YOU’RE PUTTING DOWN.” Jams, jams, jams.
- Don’t blame me, love made me crazy. If it doesn’t, you ain’t doing it right. Taylor, yes. Love DOES do that! I like that she is validating my crazy here, and I truly appreciate it.
- Trip of my life, oh, every time you’re, every time you’re touching me. Drug references?! Baby Taylor has grown up. These aren’t even absurdly stereotypical drug references because I definitely thought she was talking about a literal physical vacation for about three days.
Guys, I can barely breathe. I’m so pleased with the album’s lineup thus far. Taylor is poetically capturing how awkward the beginnings of relationships are, unlike me who just says, “Haha, I’m awkward. What if I cloned you? Are you worried?” (this happened). But the song is just perfection. It is modern and vulnerable and if there were zero songs like that on the album, I would have felt cheated.
- Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? Why is this exactly what EVERYONE is thinking in this situation? Sorceress!
- ‘Cause I like you. So simple, yet so accurate. That’s what we all want to say, but it never seems like we can spit it out. I am truly #slayed.
Look What You Made Me Do
Ahh the first song we were blessed with from Tay. This song is too cool for me which means it’s also too cool for you. I expected the chorus to pick up a bit, but it’s very subdued and it works, friends. I love how the song is focused around this sarcastic (ish) “Look what you made me do,” line because she’s like “It’s ur fault u slores” and I’m like YAS, BE MORE PETTY ALL THE TIME. This is also when we all learned Taylor was dead. RIP Old Taylor, but we’re baptizing New Taylor so BRB.
- Maybe I got mine, but you’ll all get yours. One million times yes. Just plain yes. No more white horses. Only revenge.
- Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time. The patronizing “honey”! We are unworthy. We truly did not understand this bitch before this album, and now we must bow down.
So It Goes
I think Taylor made this for your sex playlist. It is sensual and, again, she doesn’t go for the all-out-shebang at the chorus. It’s subtle, but it’s still a release. Also (I’m listening to it as I type) this is TOTALLY for your sex playlist. “Scratches down your back”?! Wowee!
- You know I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you. This is DIRTY. But it’s so subtly dirty. 10/10 stars.
- I’m yours to keep, and I’m yours to lose. Taylor said, “Excuse me but you gotta work for it,” and we all nodded our heads in agreement.
I’m not going to rave about this song as much because I’m not boppin’ around the house to it like I am with some of the other songs, but I truly appreciate some of her lyrics, except for when she just keeps blabbing about his "face." Like I’m sure it’s a good face, but I need her to find another word. Someone needs to tell her about www.thesaurus.com.
- Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats. HELP. SOS. THE HONESTY.
- You make me so happy it turns back to sad, there’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have. Ooo girl, u thirsty.
- I wanted to leave him. I needed a reason. This irritates me because if she wants to leave then that’s a reason? Feminism, Tay!
- He was the great escape, the prison break, the light of freedom on my face. When he’s hot but he’s bad news bears.
King of My Heart
This title really really sucks, I’m sorry. It hurts me. Petition to stop calling men our “Kings.” Absolutely needs to stop. The song itself is good, I will happily listen to it without feeling the need to skip forward. Question: Is she saying her “King” is poor because he doesn’t drive a Range Rover? Also, she says “Jaguars” really weirdly.
- Now you try on calling me, baby, like trying on clothes. I love me a good metaphor.
- So, prove to me I’m your American Queen. She’s totes talking about her snack of a British boyfriend. If she must call him her King, I am pleased she is demanding that she be his Queen.
Dancing with Our Hands Tied
I think this song makes me sad. I’m not sure. Is she talking about Loki? Because I know they danced at the Met Ball… I follow each of their lives very closely because my own life gives me the heebie jeebies. The chorus is phenomenal, and I like the drop (is that the correct term?) or the dance-y club-y little beat thing. The rest is top-notch Tay writing. She also mentions a “bed” so it sounds like she def gets down and dirty.
- I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted. It gives me HOPE.
- I’d hold you as the water rushes in if I could dance with you again. This feels like a Titanic reference. Discuss.
CONFIRMATION: TAYLOR DOES PARTAKE IN SEXY TIME. I would love to have a conversation with her about how silly I feel when I purchase something for the sole purpose of having it removed from my body. But she has so much fucking money she probably doesn’t care. Poo. This is the perfect blend of old and new Taylor and I feel like a mother who has watched her child grow. But like a cool mom because of sex.
- Only bought this dress so you could take it off. YEAH YA DID, GIRL. GET IT.
- Say my name and everything just stops. Have you ever noticed how you don’t really call people by their first names unless you’re trying to get their attention? Or is that just me? Because now I’m like, “Wow they said my name! Feels!” That’s probably bad.
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
I’m sure she felt like this was necessary, but I would easily compare this content to “Look What You Made Me Do,” and that song does the same thing, but it does it much better. It’s fun though. I like to do squats to it.
- Friends don’t try to trick you, get you on the phone and mind-twist you. I truly appreciate the Kimye Feud references
- And here’s to my momma, had to listen to all this drama. I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HER MOTHER. HER POOR MOTHER. Taylor is a whiner and her mom was probably like “Plz let this end.”
Call It What You Want To
No, thank you!
New Year’s Day
Aw this is cute, Taylor. A+ piano work. I’m trying to follow the “don’t ever become a stranger” ordeal. Does she mean she always wants to know him? Because she knows his laugh? I’m trying to change my laugh, I feel like she didn’t factor that possibility into her lyrics. So, is this song really for all of time? No /:
- I want your midnights. That is sweet! My life is trash!