Spoiler alert: I am not. My Tinder bio was “I have zero chill,” for a while and it raked in some good ones.
I think I was in high school and I was talking to some of my friends and I commented, “Guys, I’m starting to think that I might not be chill.” They all laughed for a long time.
Being un-chill is super advantageous. I don’t know why more people don’t adapt the trait. I think you’re more likely to get what you want if you’re not chill. I applied for an internship at a publication in NYC for the current summer, and they emailed me back saying that they were full. I kept emailing them and they were like, “Geez, okay, do you want to intern over winter break?” I accepted! We’re very happy together.
Another time I was hanging out with a gentleman friend and this was like the 10th time we had hung out and I was still just getting a kiss goodbye. He came over at 6:00 PM and nothing happened for SEVEN HOURS. He got up to leave at 1:00 AM and I just kind of flung myself at him. I am not smooth, chill, or sly. I said “K Imma just go for it,” and it worked out quite well for me because he stayed until 4:00 AM. Ladies, just throw yourself at people!
The other day I invited someone to a party my sister is throwing and he was hesitant because he didn’t feel like I had formally invited him. Good thing I paid $5 for a phone application where I can create my own personalized e-cards.
One time at the grocery store they were out of unsweetened Starbucks Iced Coffee. I was not having it and requested they look in the back twice. They finally found it and I bet they only think upon me with hatred twice a week because of my aggressive behavior. I got my coffee though.
The other good thing about having no chills is that you can completely ignore the rules of dating! Waiting 10 minutes to text back? Nah, fam. Double-texting? Umm how about quadruple texting. Waiting a day to ask them to hangout? Let’s just hangout five days in a row! Subtlety is so lame.
One disadvantage, however, is that I get really bad road rage.